When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
– David Bissonette
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just cant face each other, but still they stay together.
– Sacha Guitry
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, youll be happy. If you get a bad one, youll become a philosopher.
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, “What does a woman want?”
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
– Sigmund Freud
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner,soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Theres a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. Its called marriage.
– Sam Kinison
Ive had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didnt.
– James Holt McGavra
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever youre wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever youre right, shut up.
– Patrick Murra
The most effective way to remember your wifes birthday is to forget it once….
You know what I did before I married ?
Anything I wanted to.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met.
– Henny Youngman
A good wife always forgives her husband when shes wrong.
– Rodney Dangerfield
A man inserted an ad in the classifieds: Wife wanted. Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: You can have mine.
First Guy (proudly): My wifes an angel!
Second Guy: Youre lucky, mines still alive.