SELECTED DEFINITIONS
Father: Mom’s current boyfriend.
Dad: See Definition of “Father”
Best Interests of the Child: What Mom & her new boyfriend want today
Child Support: See “Visitation”
Visitation: See “Child Support”
Alcoholic: The spouse of an alcoholic
Druggie: The spouse of a “druggie
Domestic Violence: The accusation that Mom will make against Dad shortly after she shoots him, steals the car,bulldozes his half of the house, steals the credit cards,drains the checking and savings accounts, has the dog put to sleep, drowns the gerbils, kidnaps the kids and moves in with her 400 pound Samoan boyfriend.
Family Court: Where Mom’s attorney goes to make Phoney allegations against Dad in violation of his professional responsibilities (and then sends Dad the bill). See also “Wheel of Fortune”
Trial by Combat or Ordeal: A primitive form of adjudication used in early times. [See Family Court]
Trial by Wager of Law: A primitive form of adjudication used in early times. [See Family Court]
Trial by Affidavit: A procedure under which the court gags the Parties and all witnesses with relevant knowledge and then permits attorneys to testify falsely and in violation of their professional duties as to matters not contained in the affidavits. [See Family Court, Ex Parte, Show Cause and Commissioner.
Child Abuse: Visitation by Dad.
Sexual Abuse: Baths and diaper changes when conducted by Dad.
Joint Custody: Every other weekend and 6 weeks in the Summer.
Ex Parte: See Family Court
Insanity: See Ex Parte, Show Cause, & Family Court Attorney Rules of Professional Conduct: [Reserved]
Commissioner/Magistrate: Like a judge, only different
Pro Tem Commissioner: See Commissioner/Magistrate
Natural Custodial Parent: A woman working eighty hours a week at High price law firm, who can afford a Divorce attorney and day care.
Due Process of Law: [Reserved]
Cross Examination: A right available in small claims court but not in family court.
Live Testimony: A right available in small claims court but not in family court.
Appointed Counsel: A right available for DUI, but not for false allegations of Mom and her new boyfriend that you sexually molested [their] your grown children.
Transcript: A written record of doubtful value preserved in civil and criminal matters, but not in family court where custody and visitation are interrupted and Dads are separated from their kids.
Kidnapping: See “Visitation by Dad”
Tender Years Doctrine: Under this doctrine, Mom and her attorney are permitted to behave as if they were still of tender years.
Supervised Visitation: After Mom leaves, Dad hires someone to watch him watch the baby.
Harassment: When Dad calls Mom on the phone to arrange a pickup time.
Show Cause: A procedure where Dad and his attorney Appear,but are not allowed to answer False allegations by Mom and her latest boyfriend.
Attorneys Fees: Large sums of money awarded to Mom’s attorney. See “terms” and “criminal contempt fines.”
Terms: See Attorneys Fees.
Criminal Contempt Fines: See Attorneys Fees
Pro Bono: Legal services performed by Dad’s Attorney
Dike or Dyke: An earthen structure located in the Netherlands.
Contempt: The only reasonable reaction to all the above
More Examples May Be Found in the Fathers Rights Protection System at www.fathershelphotline.com/frps.htm
Dennis Gac
