Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin’s suit is made from 100% dead liberal skin.
Sarah Palin prepped for this speech with a ritual sacrifice of Susan Estrich.
Sarah Palin has actually travelled backwards in time from after the roll call to accept the nomination retroactively.
Sarah Palin doesn’t actually have an accent, it’s distortion from her telepathic broadcast directly into your brain.
In 2003, the US considered deploying Sarah Palin to Iraq as a 1-woman commando squad, but wanted to make it a fair fight.
As head of Alaska’s Nat’l Guard, Sarah Palin taught troops in a training exercise to scare a grenade into not exploding.
Sarah Palin drives herself to work everyday – in an M1A1 tank
Sarah Palin believes in change, too. She takes it from your pockets after striking you dead.
Sarah Palin wears three quarter length sleeves to keep from getting blood on her clothes when she kills liberals.
Glasses sales up 150 percent since Sarah palin became nominee.
The diamonds in Sarah Palin’s earrings were crushed with her very hands.
It’s not over until Sarah Palin says it’s over.
Sarah Palin clubs people who wear goofy clothes and sequins to the convention for sport.
Sarah Palin coded the original prototype for Facebook.
Sarah Palin had the original idea to drop the “e” from Flickr
Sarah Palin writes low level device drivers for Linux
Sarah Palin knows why Twitter doesn’t scale but she wants us to have the joy of finding out on our own
Sarah Palin doesn’t have a favorite web framework. She is a web framework.
Sarah Palin was the first one to know that Scoop sucks
Sarah Palin is the reason compasses point North.
Queen Elizabeth II curtsied when she was introduced to Sarah Palin
Sarah Palin’s image already appears on the newer nickels
Fox is starting a new reality show. when Sarah Palin Attacks
Sarah Palin’s enemies are automatically added to the Endangered Species List
When Sarah Palin attends ritual blood orgies, she always brings the most delicious ambrosia salad
Death once had a near-Sarah Palin experience
Sarah Palin can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves!
Sarah Palin was not flown to Ohio in charter jet- she ran as part of morning workout.
N. Alaska is sunny half the year and dark half the year because Sarah Palin needed the reading light, then wanted a nap
Sarah Palin begins every day with a moment of silence for the political enemies buried in her yard.
Sarah Palin once bit the head off a live Osprey snatched from the air as it tried to fly off with a fish she caught.
Sarah Palin uses French Canadians as bait to catch giant king salmon.
When Sarah Palin booked a flight to Europe, the French immediately surrendered.
Sarah Palin plays Whack-a-Mole with her forehead, and always gets a perfect score.
Sarah Palin knows who was on the grassy knoll.
Sarah Palin’s finishing move in the VP debate will be pulling Biden’s still beating heart from his chest & taking a bite.
Sarah Palin isn’t allowed to wield the gavel at the convention because they’re afraid she’ll use it to kill liberals.
Sarah Palin once won a competitive eating contest by devouring three live caribou.
Sarah Palin once carved a perfect likeness of the Mona Lisa in a block of ice using only her teeth.
Sarah Palin will pry your Klondike bar from your cold dead fingers.
Sarah Palin doesn’t need a gun to hunt. She has been known to throw a bullet through an adult bull elk.
Sarah Palin drives a Zamboni to work.
Sarah Palin was kicked off Survivor for killing a man and eating his entrails.
Sarah Palin can divide by zero.
Sarah Palin poses more danger of creating world-destroying black holes than the Large Hadron Collider.
Sarah Palin doesn’t cling to her guns… she takes aim and shoots them.
Sarah Palin makes Andrew Sullivan regret some key life choices.

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